28-year-old refuses to be older sister's maid of honor after she bailed 2 days before her wedding because her 14-year-old dog passed: 'She missed one of the biggest days of my life'

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Ally Perry • Writer and Editor
Apr 28, 2025 9:00 PM EDT

Anyone who is an animal person can sympathize with how much having a pet can take over somebody's life. Heck, when you spend so much time with some silly little creature in your house who depends on you for their every need, it's easy to get attached even when you were initially skeptical about the matter (see the dad who doesn't want a dog/cat meme). 

As a result, losing a pet can be a devastating experience for even the most stoic of individuals. Much like all major, upsetting life events, this often doesn't happen at a convenient time, either. 

Relationships can be tested when somebody loses a companion animal, as not everyone is going to understand the depth of the grief. By the same token, people sometimes have priorities that they are expected to overcome the mourning period for. Unfortunately, the world doesn't grind to a halt just because of personal tragedy.


 

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  • This was an issue that one woman couldn't get past when her older sister asked if she would be the maid of honor at her upcoming wedding. She refused, on the grounds that at her wedding the previous year, her sister had cancelled on her own maid of honor duties two days before because of the unexpected passing of her elderly dog.

    The bride-to-be was extremely upset by her response, and she accused her of being petty. The woman wanted to know if she was being unreasonable.

     

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    Cheezburger Image 10499592960
    via Valerie Elash

    The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.

  • 02

    AITA for telling my sister I wont be her maid of honor because she didnt come to my wedding due to her dog passing?

    So I (28F) got married last year. It was a small but beautiful ceremony with our closest family and friends. My older sister (32F) and I have always had a complicated relationship, we're close, but she's also extremely emotional and kind of dramatic. She was supposed to be my maid of honor. Two days before my wedding, her 14 year old dog passed away unexpectedly. I was obviously sympathetic, but she called me sobbing, saying she couldn't emotionally handle coming to the wedding because she was t
    via PerfectAffect9213
  • 03
    It hurt. A lot. She missed one of the biggest days of my life, and I had no maid of honor. We didn't talk much after that. A few months ago, she got engaged and just last week asked me to be her maid of honor. I told her I couldn't. I said I still felt hurt she missed my wedding, and while I love her, I just couldn't pretend like everything was fine. She got extremely upset, said I was being cold and petty, and that her dog was like her child. Our parents are pressuring me to just be the bigger
    via PerfectAffect9213
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    via Kari Bjorn Photography

    The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.

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    Commenters were torn between the opposing sides of the argument.

    Youwhooo60 If you're doing this out of spite, then YTA. If you are sincerely declining because you don't want to uphold all the duties & obligations of being the maid of honor, then NTA.
    via Youwhooo60
  • 06
    Associate Many102 It doesn't matter the reason, spite or not, anyone is allowed to decline being someone's moh without being judged an ah for saying no, NTA
    via AssociateMany102
  • 07
    wundergoat7 Doing things out of spite, which is to say doing things with the intent of hurting another person, absolutely deserves to be judged.
    via wundergoat7
  • 08
    Lebowski-Absteiger NOT doing things because you've been hurt before, is completely different than doing something to hurt someone.
    via Lebowski-Absteiger
  • 09
    closerupper I'm so tired of this "no one owes anyone anything" mentality. Yes, she's ALLOWED to decline. But if her reason is out of sheer pettiness? That's childish, selfish, and absolutely makes her an a hole. They're sisters and by OP's own admission are close. To maintain a relationship with her, OP owes her sister things like this. Being her maid of honor, or having a valid reason to say no. Saying no out of spite is not a valid reason.
    via closerupper
  • 10
    PinkNGreenFluoride Gently, YTA. I think she couldn't win, really. It was only 2 days after her dog passed. She wasn't ready. Either she skips your wedding and you're mad about that, or she comes to your wedding, breaks down and ends up drawing attention whether she really intends to or not. You'd probably be even madder about that. The fact of the loss sks, and the disruptive timing sks, too.
    via PinkNGreenFluoride
  • 11
    It's rough losing a beloved pet. And it's a disenfranchised loss - the reaction of too many is that it's "just" a dog, "just" a cat, etc. While it's not the same as a parent or a child, it's still a significant loss - especially so soon after the fact. And it's a being, a life you were responsible for, you know? It can be a complicated grief because there's often a guilt which comes with it, rational or not. You don't just bounce back in 2 days. I think that's what she was trying to express by s
    via PinkNGreenFluoride
  • 12
    But please don't let it be out of spite. I'm so sorry your wedding was affected by the loss of her dog. I wish you'd resisted the impulse to make sure it impacts her wedding, too. Now she's grieving all over again, not just the dog, but the damage to your relationship which is so clearly linked to that, when she should be preparing for her own wedding.
    via PinkNGreenFluoride
  • 13
    Pale_Cranberry1502 I agree. There was no way Sis was going to be able to have a real smile on her face only two days later. She was still smack in the middle of the "might break down without warning" period. The timing just sucked.
    via Pale_Cranberry1502
  • 14
    throwAWweddingwoe Some people are that attached to their animals that it is a genuine trauma when they pass. My husband is not dramatic or emotional and yet I anticipate him being to devastated to get out of bed when his elderly cat eventually passes. He loves her. Real genuine love and he isn't going to be okay when the light she brings into his life is no longer shining. Don't look at this as a dog passing, that diminishes the emotions involved. A beloved family member d d suddenly 2 day befor
    via throwAWweddingwoe
  • 15
    RealTalkFastWalk NAH. It was very bad timing but no one's fault. She would have been a terrible MOH while dealing with that initial grief, so it's probably for the best she wasn't there sobbing next to you. It sounds like she never acknowledged how much her absence hurt you though. If f you can't be there for her in good conscience then declining is appropriate, however, the bitterness you hold against her won't be satisfied.
    via RealTalkFastWalk
  • 16
    Neither_Ad_173 Might be controversial, but I'm going to say NAH. She's allowed to grieve her dog and be emotional. It may have been for the best that she wasn't there. You're allowed to be hurt she wasn't at your wedding. I do think you could be kinder in the way you speak about her, but I can also imagine that comes from a place of frustration.
    via Neither_Ad_173
  • 17
    Monday0987 NTA. Your relationship with your sister has been damaged. Some commentators think losing a 14 year old dog is a justifiable reason for bailing on a siblings wedding. I think that your sibling bailing on your wedding is a justifiable reason for feeling so let down by them it damages your relationship with them. You don't have to be anyone's MOH if you don't want to be.
    via Monday0987
  • 18
    Constant_Host_3212 NTA. The Maid or Matron of Honor should be someone who is close to the bride and can support the bride completely on her big day. You no longer feel close to, or supportive of, your sister in the way that a maid or matron of honor should be. It doesn't matter why you no longer feel close and supportive, you no longer feel close and supportive. So thank your sister sincerely for the honor of asking you, and say "no". Tell your parents that you wish your sister the best, includi
    via Constant_Host_3212
  • 19
    tattooed_canadian NTA I'm a huge pet person and have had dogs my whole life and have had to make the decision to put 2 down unexpectedly and I would have NEVER missed such an important milestone. I think as adults when things like this happen sometimes we have to s k it the up and put on a brave face. Why should OP s k up and push down her feelings when her sister couldn't grant her the same consideration?
    via tattooed_canadian
  • 20
    RandyFMcDonald She was grieving her pet, her companion. Maybe she could have pushed through and been at your wedding, maybe she would have been a mess. I do not think I can fault her overmuch for not wanting to risk falling apart in her grief at your wedding. I do not think this is really an a_h_le question. It is a difficult relationship issue that you have to talk through. I do think YTA if you are doing this just to get back at her.
    via RandyFMcDonald
  • 21
    hollowl0g1c Everyone else saying your TA, completely off base. I wouldn't miss a wedding I was MOH at for the world, let alone my sisters. NAH. Grief is hard, but you're allowed to be hurt
    via hollowl0g1c
  • 22
    Big_Satisfaction_876 NTA. I was a train wreck when my cat d_d. I still think about her all the time and she d d years ago. However, you were hurt and you haven't been as close to her since. Being a maid of honor is a lot of work, and if you don't want to do it and you don't feel close to her, you're not obligated to be anyone's maid of honor.
    via Big_Satisfaction_876
  • 23
    Ok_Day_8559 NTA. She bailed on her own sister on her wedding day. Yes, her dog. passed away, but her sister should have rated some thing other than she was too distraught. OP, pet people will always come for you when a pet is involved. You don't want to go to her wedding because you are still mad at her, then don't go. Just be honest about your feelings. If you know you will be okay thinking about this down the road, cool. If you think you may have some regrets later on then sk it up and go. You
    via Ok_Day_8559
  • 24
    Muufffins NTA. She told you that an animal is a higher priority in her life than her sister. If she can't be there for you, why should you be there for her? "Being the bigger person" is a cop out, and trying to avoid unpleasant conversations.
    via Muufffins
  • 25
    TA_totellornottotell Not TA if you really are hurt. But your post reflects that your sympathy to her only extended so much. I was an absolute mess when my cat d d - I really didn't know that that level of grief was possible. And honestly, in hindsight, it makes sense - our pets are companions in the truest way. They are there when we wake up, when we come home, when we do pretty much anything, just constantly there silently giving us company. Nothing but unconditional love. For years, day in and
    via TA_totellornottotell
  • 26
    I get that that's unfortunate for you (and I am not minimising that - it was probably the biggest day of your life, and you wanted and needed your sister by your side, and she wasn't there). But that's really all that it was - unfortunate. Yet, you minimise her grief ('talking her down' - as if she was being crazy and you needed to make her see sense) and overall don't talk very kindly about her (prefacing that she is 'extremely emotional and kind of dramatic' which seems as if you're trying to
    via TA_totellornottotell

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family drama dogs aita bride wedding drama sisters petty wedding family reddit thread Reddit Maid Of Honor
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